The reader 911 of the week:
The new girl I am dating is a lot of fun. We get along well, and she is very sexual. She sends me naughty text messages during the day, and she has all sorts of kinky ideas. I thought I was open to that kind of thing, but I am a bit worried that I am too boring for her, or that she is really some kind of crazy sex freak that is going to give me a disease. What can I do to keep up, and how do I bring up the STD thing?
Dear Mr. Careful What You Wish For,
Back in my day I always felt a sense of enjoyment when I found a girl comfortable enough to explore with me sexually. There are few things more fun then learning about another person while enjoying sensuous pleasures at the same time. The kind of sex that keeps you up all night and sends you off to work the next day not concerned about the lack of sleep…that’s the good stuff. Now that I am just a tad bit removed from the debauchery days of my life, I have a slightly different perspective on those lovely partners. Let me preface this advice by saying it takes two to tango, so you are also a dirty boy fornicator.
The first thing you need to do is find out if this girl’s crotch or throat is on fire before you put your man clit anywhere near them without some kind of shield. It may be too late if you have already been testing the waters, but before you dive in head first you need to ask her some questions, and give some answers of your own. It doesn’t matter how many partners you or she has had, it just matters if you are both safe.
Stereotype alert: Girls count partners differently anyway. A girl could sleep with the basketball team, but only count the guy that goes to the NBA. Ask her if she has a condom before the next time you guys know you are going to have sex. If not, you can ask her how she feels about contraceptives and birth control. You guys can go the store and pick out her favorite condom. No one likes condoms but most people like condoms more than babies or genital warts, so keep that in mind.
I like to throw out the question, “have you ever been tested before” because that usually flows into when and what were the results. If you have not been tested in the last six months go do it! A clean report card is a great aphrodisiac. You can even have a date to get tested, and use the excuse that you like her and want to make sure you are both safe because you haven’t been tested in a while. That will help you feel safer being with a wonderful freak, but now you need to arm yourself with tools and techniques to keep up with the girl.
Any bookstore (maybe not Christian bookstores) will have an aisle dedicated to sexuality and self help stuff. Venture down there and pick up a few books with titles like 100 ways to do it and be the biggest freak you can. That will give you a starting point to build on. Let her be the freak, you do the details on the dates, and you will make quite a dynamic duo. For the love of God wrap it up with this one and enjoy yourself! Instead of worrying about where she has been and applying some judgment to her, be appreciative of her selflessness and open mind. Learn from this sexy sage. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!
Dr. Ethan Gregory
Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess
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