http://www.drethangregory.com

@drethangregory

www.facebook.com/drethangregory

Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist

The 911 of the week:

My issue is that when I give it up, if there is a spark between us, a connection, and the sex was spine tingling, I get emotional and want more than just physical stuff. The bad thing that I do is telling these guys about my feelings after a few dates and totally run them off. I do have guys that want to know about me and they want me to be their girl, but I have no attraction to them. If I am just going to have a fling, how do I not get so attached?

Dear Ms. Best of Both Worlds,

You are not alone in your situation. The stereotype is that women have a hard time separating their emotions from sex. Women are taught from birth that sex equals love, so of course you are going to have lovey dovey feelings after some yummy sex. With oxytocin and society influencing you, it becomes hard to resist building intimacy with a sex partner. Unfortunately for women everywhere, men are taught the opposite (at least the ones out having casual sex). Your reward for being brave enough to share your body with a man is often no return call and unmet expectations for the near future. There is a real simple way to ensure you get what you want out of the man emotionally, but it does not happen overnight.

If you are able to hold out until you and the man develop rapport and intimacy outside of the bedroom there is a chance he will start investing some emotional energy in you. This is not about slut shaming or telling you that he won’t buy the cow if the milk is free. A man that is only looking for a short-term hookup will not take the time to get to know a girl because he isn’t interested in that. A good way to tell is if he only wants to meet you when it is dark outside, or one or both of you is drunk when you get together. Any man worth having you as a sexual partner will wait at least a month before he stops calling.

Game playing isn’t something I recommend, but a man is like a roach. If you leave food out it will come out at night and eat, but he’s gone in the morning. If you keep your house clean for a while, only a persistent critter is going to keep coming back. Once you decide that a man has stuck around long enough, then BAM! Close that venus-mantrap of yours around him, and you have yourself a boyfriend. In the mean time have hot sex with an asshole if you want, but as long as you have a potential partner to keep your mind on, sex can be sex without the emotional investment. Partnership is a numbers game. Enjoy your Netflix and chills, just make sure that you are also meeting other potential partners during the day. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!

http://www.drethangregory.com

@drethangregory

www.facebook.com/drethangregory

Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist