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Arousal Differences For Men And Women

Arousal Differences For Men And Women

Vaso-congestion (bloodflow into the genitals) takes place in both men and women, the spongy tissues that help erect the penis and engorge the vagina happens almost immediately as stimulation commences. The vagina can start lubricating less than 30 seconds after thinking about the upcoming sensations and before sexual stimulation begins.

Of course, there is a vast difference from physical arousal and emotional readiness for sex. You may have heard of cases of rape where the body has a reaction to penetrative sex, and many men can recall moments during puberty where an ill-timed erection made things awkward.

The concept of sexual arousal beginning in the brain is true; hormones influence the physical reactions our bodies maintain. Once the bodies are physically prepared for sex, the friction and pleasurable sensations build in our genitals until arousal is at its peak, then orgasm occurs. In both men and women with strong muscles, orgasms do not have to end the sex act. Men that practice and strengthen their pubic muscles can orgasm without ejaculation. They can continue to engage in intercourse without a refractory period.

Men are capable of quick arousal and orgasm. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and even with physical arousal, emotional investment in the sex act is an important factor (but not a dealbreaker) for the ability to orgasm. 

Dr. Ethan Gregory

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Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

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Bi-Curious, should I ask my friend?

Bi-Curious, should I ask my friend?

The 911 of the week:

I have a friend that I have known for over 10 years. We are both single males and we are very comfortable around each other. I have never considered myself to be attracted to him in a homosexual way, but I am beginning to wonder about my sexuality. I have been with women only, but I have always wanted to see what it was like with a man. I am thinking about letting my friend know, and asking him if I could kiss him to see how it feels, since I am almost positive that he won’t hold it against me. What do you think?

Dear Mr. BiCurious,

Good for you taking time to decide where you are on that continuum of sexuality. Just because you are not John Wayne, doesn’t mean you are Richard Simmons. For some people it takes time after those peer-pressured high school and college years to settle into a sexuality preference. There is nothing wrong with doing some research. About your friend, I wouldn’t pucker up to him just yet. You might want to throw out some debate on the idea of homosexuality if you haven’t already. See where he stands on the issue, and then ask him directly how he would feel about you if you were gay. Even if he says that he will be your wingman at the local rainbow club, I don’t think a make out session between old friends is the best way to gauge your interest in strange men. I think it is safe to say that close male friends are already man crushing on their buddies enough to have emotional connections that run deep. I know that I love my close male friends but if I was to experiment with my sexuality they would not be lining up for batting practice (well, some of them might). My advice is to take your research into the club, where you can test your urges on anonymous people with whom you have no attachments, that way feelings of emotional and physical are not blended. If your friend is truly a good friend and not an ignorant bigot, they will accept your curiosity and won’t judge you in a negative way. Like any new experience, make sure that you don’t confuse apprehension and fear with lack of desire. Throw yourself into the fire on your terms, and decide if you want to jump out or warm up to the idea of a new you. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!


Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist

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