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It's My Divorce Party, And I'll Cry If I Want To

It's My Divorce Party, And I'll Cry If I Want To

Divorce carries with it many stigmas worldwide. While Americans have less legal issues and social stigma than other countries, the idea of a marriage failing is not easy for people to overcome as they prepare for being reintroduced to the singles world. A newly divorced person may have a range of logistic and emotional barriers to overcome as they begin life anew independently.

Having gone through the process of marriage with a ceremony to mark that stage in life, there is no real acknowledgement and fanfare to support the next stage after a marriage ends. To lift the spirits of a newly divorced person and to help them know that they have the support of their friends with disposable income, Divorce parties were born to reintroduce the single person to life outside of marriage. These events are self-esteem boosts and gathering with friends will encourage the divorced person that they are loved, when they may be feeling guilt and potentially shame about ending their marriage.

As a professional counselor, I don’t see married people being so jealous of divorce parties that they start thinking of ending their own relationships.Divorce has become so common and part of the culture of relationships that the stigma associated with ending a marriage has lessened in the past few decades. It is still a serious and potentially depressing event for two people to endure. Coming together to support a friend going through the loss of a relationship and ideal future is a good thing.

Written for She

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Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

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Bi-Curious, should I ask my friend?

Bi-Curious, should I ask my friend?

The 911 of the week:

I have a friend that I have known for over 10 years. We are both single males and we are very comfortable around each other. I have never considered myself to be attracted to him in a homosexual way, but I am beginning to wonder about my sexuality. I have been with women only, but I have always wanted to see what it was like with a man. I am thinking about letting my friend know, and asking him if I could kiss him to see how it feels, since I am almost positive that he won’t hold it against me. What do you think?

Dear Mr. BiCurious,

Good for you taking time to decide where you are on that continuum of sexuality. Just because you are not John Wayne, doesn’t mean you are Richard Simmons. For some people it takes time after those peer-pressured high school and college years to settle into a sexuality preference. There is nothing wrong with doing some research. About your friend, I wouldn’t pucker up to him just yet. You might want to throw out some debate on the idea of homosexuality if you haven’t already. See where he stands on the issue, and then ask him directly how he would feel about you if you were gay. Even if he says that he will be your wingman at the local rainbow club, I don’t think a make out session between old friends is the best way to gauge your interest in strange men. I think it is safe to say that close male friends are already man crushing on their buddies enough to have emotional connections that run deep. I know that I love my close male friends but if I was to experiment with my sexuality they would not be lining up for batting practice (well, some of them might). My advice is to take your research into the club, where you can test your urges on anonymous people with whom you have no attachments, that way feelings of emotional and physical are not blended. If your friend is truly a good friend and not an ignorant bigot, they will accept your curiosity and won’t judge you in a negative way. Like any new experience, make sure that you don’t confuse apprehension and fear with lack of desire. Throw yourself into the fire on your terms, and decide if you want to jump out or warm up to the idea of a new you. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!


Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist

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