I wrote this piece for Brides.com asking for top tips on how new brides and married women can boost their libidos. Again, my words didn't make the cut. So you tell me, who wrote it better?
Restarting the fires for a couple seems like a daunting task, especially when the coals have been out for some time. New brides should be filled with the positive energy and adrenaline of the new chapter in their lives, but I can see how modern marriages are often the continuation of a long relationship and engagement before the wedding day, and things can settle back to normal pretty quickly after the honeymoon.
Helen Fisher, in her TED talk about love and the brain relayed a story about a build up of adrenaline causing the brain to start thinking romantic feelings for someone. (Check out the talk if you have not seen it). Anything that builds some fear and gets the heart rate going increases testosterone, which helps with arousal in both women and men. A date where the couple exercises together or a scary movie night should get the blood flowing.
One trick that couples therapists use to help couples that have been having problems related to intimacy is to tell them that they should not be having sex for a certain amount of time. This creates a feeling of naughtiness and taboo, and the couples usually end up breaking the rule, building back some intimacy, and feeling more connected. The key to any sustained relationship is communication.
If sexual needs are falling behind mundane tasks, the couple needs to reconnect. A scheduled date night without the kids would help. Even one night set in stone for the couple to take turns creating an evening where the spouse is unaware of what will happen can show creativity, build suspense, and can show love.
If a couple can accommodate consistent moments where they can surprise one another, that should help spark those flames for years to come. A great example of this is the Valentines Day ritual that Claire and Phil from Modern Family have where they assume identities and leave the house to play out a fantasy. Stepping out of the comfort zone is crucial to keeping passion in a long relationship.
Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist
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