The reader 911 of the week:

When I am out in a bar or social gathering I notice that the girls I talk to seem to lose interest in me soon after I approach them. When I meet them I introduce myself, buy them a drink, and I think I have a good personality. Why is it that the only ones that seem to keep the conversation going are the ones I lose interest in?    

Dear Mr. Buy You A Drink,

As long as women have been aloud in drinking establishments for anything other than working as a floor sweeper or a lady of the night, men have been buying drinks for them. It might seem like a harmless gesture and an act of chivalry, but I think between us two, we know the true meaning of supplying a woman with a drink is to help her lose the inhibition she had to talk to you in the first place.

During my social research days I noticed the same women working new men every 15 minutes to get a free drink. These drink divas are often pretty, but shallow as a puddle on a hot city day. When you play into the drink cliché you are actually doing more harm than good for your future with that woman. You aren’t buying a stranger guy a drink before you start talking to him about the game, and you shouldn’t do it for a stranger girl either. When you use money to provide something to a stranger (even a drink) you are establishing yourself as a person that uses money to try and get your way or provide for the woman. When you trick your cash for a girl, they might milk you for it, and then leave with the guy they wanted from the start.

Before you buy that next appletini, keep your money in your pocket and pull out that good personality instead. When you have created a rapport with the girl then you can split rounds. Using this method will weed out the gold diggers and you can then survey your options from there. If you are lucky you might end up with a 2 for 1 special of looks and personality. Anything other than that and you are just happy hour for a selfish lady. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!


Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess


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