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psychology

Arousal Differences For Men And Women

Arousal Differences For Men And Women

Vaso-congestion (bloodflow into the genitals) takes place in both men and women, the spongy tissues that help erect the penis and engorge the vagina happens almost immediately as stimulation commences. The vagina can start lubricating less than 30 seconds after thinking about the upcoming sensations and before sexual stimulation begins.

Of course, there is a vast difference from physical arousal and emotional readiness for sex. You may have heard of cases of rape where the body has a reaction to penetrative sex, and many men can recall moments during puberty where an ill-timed erection made things awkward.

The concept of sexual arousal beginning in the brain is true; hormones influence the physical reactions our bodies maintain. Once the bodies are physically prepared for sex, the friction and pleasurable sensations build in our genitals until arousal is at its peak, then orgasm occurs. In both men and women with strong muscles, orgasms do not have to end the sex act. Men that practice and strengthen their pubic muscles can orgasm without ejaculation. They can continue to engage in intercourse without a refractory period.

Men are capable of quick arousal and orgasm. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and even with physical arousal, emotional investment in the sex act is an important factor (but not a dealbreaker) for the ability to orgasm. 

Dr. Ethan Gregory 

http://www.drethangregory.com

Written for Bustle.com

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@drethangregory

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Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

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Suicide Prevention For Loved Ones

Suicide Prevention For Loved Ones

In my experience working with suicidal adults and in counseling families with children that presented suicidal behaviors, I have seen ways that behaviors escalate and want to share some symptoms and interventions with you.

As a loved one with someone considering suicide there is a need to be vigilant. Truly suicidal people will be eager to learn how, or gain access to resources to help. A loved one that notices someone withdrawal from others, seem preoccupied with harm or death, or has started to avoid things they normally take pleasure in may be depressed and on a path to self-harm or suicide. Previous mental illness or episodes can be a symptom of the potential to take things to an extreme without considering other coping skills or the reality that things can get better.

It may seem counterproductive to discuss suicide with someone that is suicidal, but in fact, if you show that you care very much and are willing to help them through any situation, it can bring some relief to the suicidal person. When death is a potential outcome, embarrassment should not be a barrier.

When I worked in adult mental health, we sometimes used a suicide contract. This is something in writing that defines if a person is feeling like harming or killing themselves, they will call or get in touch with a person first, and that person will answer, no strings attached any time. This may seem like a bit of a gimmick, but sometimes a little time and conversation can be enough to get a person past a dark moment.

Of course is a person is on the edge, they should be seeking or forced to seek some counseling, and may need to be inpatient for a time until they and the family can learn some different coping mechanisms.

Dr. Ethan Gregory 

Written for zliving.com

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http://www.drethangregory.com

@drethangregory

www.facebook.com/drethangregory

Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

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Buy A Personality, Not A Drink

Buy A Personality, Not A Drink

The reader 911 of the week:

When I am out in a bar or social gathering I notice that the girls I talk to seem to lose interest in me soon after I approach them. When I meet them I introduce myself, buy them a drink, and I think I have a good personality. Why is it that the only ones that seem to keep the conversation going are the ones I lose interest in?    

Dear Mr. Buy You A Drink,

As long as women have been aloud in drinking establishments for anything other than working as a floor sweeper or a lady of the night, men have been buying drinks for them. It might seem like a harmless gesture and an act of chivalry, but I think between us two, we know the true meaning of supplying a woman with a drink is to help her lose the inhibition she had to talk to you in the first place.

During my social research days I noticed the same women working new men every 15 minutes to get a free drink. These drink divas are often pretty, but shallow as a puddle on a hot city day. When you play into the drink cliché you are actually doing more harm than good for your future with that woman. You aren’t buying a stranger guy a drink before you start talking to him about the game, and you shouldn’t do it for a stranger girl either. When you use money to provide something to a stranger (even a drink) you are establishing yourself as a person that uses money to try and get your way or provide for the woman. When you trick your cash for a girl, they might milk you for it, and then leave with the guy they wanted from the start.

Before you buy that next appletini, keep your money in your pocket and pull out that good personality instead. When you have created a rapport with the girl then you can split rounds. Using this method will weed out the gold diggers and you can then survey your options from there. If you are lucky you might end up with a 2 for 1 special of looks and personality. Anything other than that and you are just happy hour for a selfish lady. Best of luck, remember that you matter most!

http://www.drethangregory.com

@drethangregory

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Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

 

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Problems For Perfectionists

Problems For Perfectionists

As a counselor for children and families working with international schools, I have my share of perfectionists and those that demand perfection. There is a marked difference in the people that carry the stress of perfection with them compared to others. Higher anxiety towards daily tasks can create physical tension, sleeplessness, depression, and low-self esteem. When perfection borders on obsessiveness, it leads to a combination of physical and mental issues that could require medication and therapy.

 

Reading up on the basics of cognitive-behavioral interventions to reduce anxiety will give some insights into helping perfectionists. Having outside help to let us know that something is good enough can help us change our thoughts about our actions to be more reality based. If we have tasks in our life, we could assign a time to finish and submit it before it can become something to obsess over. Taking time to recognize our triggers for perfectionism and to adjust our frame of mind to understand that our belief might not match the reality is part of conquering any obsessive behavior.

 

Perfectionism is often something that is encouraged by a parent figure with good intentions. It doesn’t take a tiger mom to make a child feel that good isn’t good enough. It can happen in sports activities and academics. Once a child believes they have to do more than what is required, that behavior often carries into adulthood. Without balance in our life our obsessions can become the motivation for how we act.

My pitch (didn't make the final article) Written for medicaldaily

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@drethangregory

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Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist and I’m Sorry, You are Not a Disney Princess

Fitness Tracking and Our Connected Life

Fitness Tracking and Our Connected Life

The following is a pitch I made for a site called Advertising Week Social Club, a marketing publication related to large corporate events around the world. I answered a request about the effects of a connected life. The finished article can be found here

I have some insights about fitness trackers. While we may use the bands and apps to help us stay healthy, there is a competitiveness within us that is manipulated by the fitness industry making these wonderful tools. When health is tracked using gamification (applying the levels and rewards) it can be a way to introduce fun into healthy living. I love my Nike + telling me how far I went and earning those trophies. For most of us, badges and rewards are a nice bonus on top of our improved health and fitness.

For some though, self-control is an issue People that struggle with the urge to go beyond healthy as they strive for the next color level or reaching a new record of steps in a day, or even more calories burned in a week, will have trouble with balance that they might not have without the tracking. Even well adjusted people can feel guilt over a meal or missing a workout, so its easy to see how an over competitive person might go beyond healthy limits to achieve something virtual.

Obsessive people might struggle to stop stepping or begin to justify their over exercising and lack of food consumption. I see the tracking industry as a wonderful thing for those that are already mentally healthy. For people that push limits, it might be the tool that allows them to step over the edge and to know just how far they went.

http://www.drethangregory.com

@drethangregory

www.facebook.com/drethangregory

Author of I’m Sorry, You are Not a Pick-Up Artist